Movies and television have been mining medicine long before Noah Wyle started breaking hearts (and fixing them) on ER. But popular music has a long standing infatuation with doctors as well — and we’re not just talkin’ ‘bout Dre. Here’s some tunes to cure what ails you — provided, of course that what is ailing you is a lack of good music to listen to. Side effects may include restless toe-tapping syndrome, ohrwurms, and getting jiggy with it.

In her splendid rendition of Cole Porter’s “The Physician”, Julie Andrews relates an especially intimate doctor-patient relationship. But though he “goes into wild ecstatics” whenever she shows him her lymphatics (and, apparently, a lot of other organ systems), the physician refuses to say he loves her. Even so, his state’s licensing board would probably cast a leery eye at all this anatomical leering. The American Medical Association has deemed any sort of sexual relationship between doctor and patient to be improper, even if the patient is of legal age and consenting.

The White Stripes offer a critique of the pharmaceutical industry in this musical riff on the placebo effect in “Girl You Have No Faith in Medicine”. They should also be commended for being probably the first band in history to attempt rhyming “acetaminophen”:

He does work for a nationalized health care system, but even so, Doctor Robert seems to be fairly free with the scrips. The Beatles would be well advised to seek a second opinion:

Confidential to our readers who are currently suffering from scurvy: lime juice can be an excellent source of Vitamin C. Too much on an empty stomach, however, can cause indigestion. Pairing it with coconut could guard against stomach ache (or “flipper ache”, as in the case study depicted below):

And, on that note, welcome back from your long weekend, everyone!