Greetings from the box. Some of you will already know me as the body in the cabinet in the South Cloisters at University College London. I look forward with keen anticipation to discoursing with you fortnightly.

I trust I do not flatter myself with the thought that you may also know me as the founder of classical utilitarianism, and associate me with my most famous phrase ‘the greatest happiness of the greatest number’. It is to be hoped that within a short compass you will become well acquainted with the more extensive scope of my ideas, which propound, I would affirm, the only sound method by which to judge actions of all kinds.

I have been asked by the enlightened people at Nature to write this blog from my pivotal position at UCL to familiarise you with my ideas and to give a utilitarian response to some of the scientific issues of the day.

You may suppose that I don’t go out any more, as indeed I do not, but even in my own day I was dubbed the ‘Hermit of Queen Square Place’, because I spent my time at home, barring most visitors from the door and devoting myself to writing for the benefit of mankind. However let me assure you that, just as I did then, I continue to keep an eagle eye on what is going on in the wider world. The conversations I overhear, and the comings and goings which I see, are of great interest to me. And I anticipate with pleasure sharing some of my ideas with you, which I consider are of as great a relevance now as they ever were. I will share with you my views on the exercise of autochirous power, the phthano-para-nomic branch of the police, and of course contemporary topics such as embryonic stem cell research, the importance of animal welfare, medical ethics (organ donation), carbon emissions, travelling by train and by air and perhaps even cricket.

But let me begin this week by telling you a little about myself. I was born in Spitalfields, London in 1748. I think I may say in truth that I was regarded as a brilliant child. As a toddler I occupied myself with learned works on history and I studied Latin from the age of three. I went up to Oxford when I was 12 years old. My father was determined that I should become Lord Chancellor of England. I qualified as a barrister at the age of 21 but became convinced that, rather than practise the law, I should devote my life to reforming it: I did, and to reforming much else besides. And permit me to tell you I hate no one as much as I hate lawyers.

Allow me to tell you, men and women of science, that I have long been passionate about science. It would not be too strong to say that my mind has been formed to a large extent by my exploration of new ideas in science and scientific method. I have ever been eager not to let slip the opportunities offered by the latest developments in technology for the improvement of society at large. My work is nothing if not systematic and empirical. Indeed I devoted a large part of my work to developing a science of legislation, with a view to reducing the delay, vexation and expence inherent in the legal order. But more of this and my method in the coming weeks: prolixity was ever something for which I was wont to be criticised, and for the time being I must bid you farewell. Next time I shall tell you more about me.

Your ever laborious and devoted Servant

J.B.