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EXCLUSIVE INTERVIEW: Baguette breaks collider

LHC-baguette.jpgEarlier this week, an electrical short again sidelined the Large Hadron Collider, the world’s most powerful particle accelerator on the French-Swiss border. As the Register first reported, the cause of the short appears to have been a baguette caught inside a piece of electrical equipment that supports the machine.

CERN sources have confirmed the incident and blamed it on an errant bird. Under condition of anonymity, a CERN insider answered the Great Beyond’s questions about the incident. Seriously, we did not make this up.

Any indication it might have been left on accident by a worker?

A short-circuit was thought to be caused by baguette carrying bird (not unknown for animals to cause this sort of problem). Workers were definitely not implicated.

Can we say anything about the contents of the baguette? Did it contain any tasty filling? If so what type?

Looks to have been a plain baguette – no filling observed. It was very soggy when found.

Is there any indication whether this is a French or a Swiss baguette?

It was a French site – But a frontier crossing bird is not ruled out.

Has anyone considered the possibility that the baguette came from the future to sabotage the LHC? Is there any indication that this is a futuristic baguette?

The possibility has been examined by theoretical physicists – considered unlikely as they feel baguettes will not play a part in future cultures.

Why is a bird considered the most likely theory?

Not unknown for birds to cause this sort of problem in outdoor electrical installations. The bird survived but lost breakfast.

Is this for real?

It is for real.

Will it have any impact on the CERN schedule?

There will be no impact on CERN schedule – full recovery has already taken place. It’s similar to a power cut – procedures are in place to deal with this sort of thing.

CERN/Wikipedia/G. Brumfiel


  1. Report this comment

    Russell said:

    Absent archaeopteryx feathers on the scenes, baguettes will go on into a future still filled with Whig historians of science, and birdbrains who think overwrought hadrons a greater existential threat than cosmic rays.

  2. Report this comment

    malcolm said:

    why does one get the feeling that whilst CERN have procedures in place to deal with a heaven sent bagette that the same may not be true with regard to a hell sent blackhole. Not only are they unprepared but it is the whole of humanity that will be affected if the sums are wrong and the doomsday predictions are realised.

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    Kelledin said:

    I now have a mental image of a large cyborg with a partially exposed metal endoskeleton and a vague resemblance to the governor of California appearing and throwing a wet baguette into a large breaker-box.

    Just smile and wave, everybody, smile and wave. 😉

  4. Report this comment

    Eric Weiss said:

    Conspiracy! The baguette is from the future!

  5. Report this comment

    Bruce said:

    @Russell: “…and birdbrains who think overwrought hadrons a greater existential threat than cosmic rays…”

    In this context, I believe that would be ‘comic rays.’

    You’re welcome. 😉

  6. Report this comment

    Ian Brooks said:

    @Malcolm: If they can’t handle a rogue bit of bread, then rogue black holes are essentially uncontrollable. I had faith in them until now…I think it’s time to start worrying about this…I mean, what if the bread falls into a black hole next time? Has any even considered that!!

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